Reflection: Another year older

Here I am, a year older and maybe wiser.  Well I really don’t know about the wiser part, since no one ever listens to me. As for being a year old, that really doesn’t bug me.  What bugs me is not being where I want to be in life.  When am sitting down, or out on one of my walks, I think, “is it me and that why am not where I want to be in life?” Am I being lazy or is that the impression people get when hearing I can’t find a job.  Why am I struggling so much with finding a job?  I look at myself in the mirror and just thinking, what is it that I am not seeing, but other people do?  Am I just not presentable and my personality just turns off people?  Just this past weekend I had a job interviewer and she said something that I’ve heard before. Except she was a little more specific.  Hearing that, I thought, I can’t change that.  She said she like everything about me, but I wasn’t loud enough. I didn’t response to her comment, but I can’t help if my voice doesn’t sound loud. I was born with low tone voice and probably one that doesn’t reverberate. I still don’t know if I got the job or not but it leaves me wondering.

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Jury Duty

Jury Duty, we all gotten that letter, summon you to be at the court house at 8am in the morning to be a potential jury.  On Monday that where I was.  It my 2nd time being summoned and having to show up.  I do remember my mom calling me when I was going to school that I was called up for jury duty, lucky enough that was a excuse to be dismissed.

Well Monday morning, showed up at the court house, and when through all the security screening.  I did have my small bag with me which I had all my stuff to hopefully keep me busy if I wasn’t called.  A book to read and my sketchbook along with some color pencils and black drawing pens.  Followed everyone else to the jury room, turn in my paper, took a sit and await for everyone to take their sit.  Then the judge came in, gave a little speech and swore everyone in. There was 30 minute wait until they started calling people and for some reason I had a feeling they would call me. The first group of 65 people they called, I was number 4.  Out of those 65 people, 12 would be selected to be a jury member in a aggravated assault case.  The judge hearing the case was the same one who swore us in.

So 65 of us waited outside the court room, for more then 30 minutes.  Watching people passing by as they exited the building or going through the metal detectors and screen by the security guards.  Looking at the people coming out entering and exiting the court room thinking that was the person to tell us, you are all dismissed or that they are ready for us to enter the court room.  Seeing attorneys talking to their clients in the hallways.  We were called in by a security guard, entering the room, seeing both the defense council and prosecutor standing in front of the room with the judge behind them.  It was a weird feeling since I was sitting front row only to later hear that I along with the rest of people sitting front row have the best chance of being one of the 12 members that are going to be select.

In the next hour or so both prosecutor and defense will be questioning us and just walking us through the process of what assault is and the punishment. Trying to see what people opinions are and how they feel about punishment and sentencing someone, to our bias against the defense client, to witness, and police officer.  My whole thought process was not to say anything.  I didn’t want to stand out, but both council mention that it usually the quiet ones that get selected.  That really didn’t change my mind about not speaking out.  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, I had nothing to say or to ask.  This was a whole new experience for me and a lot of the information was just not sticking in my head.  We were dismissed for lunch and am sure just like me, there were people wondering if they would be pick and just like me am sure there were a lot of people who didn’t want to be pick.

Everyone return from lunch and all 65 of us waited and watched people going by.  Then the security guard came out and everyone attention was toward him.  Hoping to hear good news that we were going to be let go, but the guard was just asking us for our jury pin that we were giving earlier in the morning.  From across the hall someone ask him is this a good sign, the guard reply maybe.  Again we waited for a few minutes and again the guard come out and call out a name.  We saw the guard along with this individual disappear behind the courtroom doors.  After about 5 minutes that person came out, but again the guard came out.  Everyone eyes focus on him, but the guard call another person name and they disappeared behind the courtroom doors.

The person came out after five minutes in the courtroom.  My mind was wondering if these were some of the people who spoke out during the defense and prosecutor questions.  Was it something in their response that they weren’t sure or were they being told they were selected to be one of 12 jurors.  The guard appear again this time telling all us to come in and just to sit where ever. As everyone pour into the court, no one dared to sit in the front row.  I guess no one want to be called or take the chance to be assign a jury sit.  I sat on the second row and as everyone us was finding and taking a sit, the guard said in my direction we know who you are.  Then the judge said some final words along with both state council and defense.  The judge gave some directions, that if your name is called to come sit to the left side of the room where 12 sits awaited. Names being called, I wasn’t sure if they were by number or by last name.  The third name they called out was a lady that was sitting next to me, she was number 3.  After that I was listening to the last name being call and after the 8th juror called, I was sure I wasn’t going to be pick.  It was a relief that I didn’t hear my name.  Then the judge thank everyone for their time, honestly and he was going to dismiss us for the day.  The guard mention we wouldn’t be dismiss and we all need to report back the the jury room.  The judge was a surprise since that has never happen since he been judge. At the same time as the guard said, “report to the jury room” a female clerk walk in waving in the air a piece of paper that was our ticket that we were done for the day. We were officially dismissed from jury duty.  We all could go home with the exception of the 12 people called.

Happy New Years 2019

Happy New Years!!!

2019 is here and am not sure where to begin with this post. My goal to finding a job still hasn’t change.  It mind blogging that I can get a short temporary job, but can’t seem to find one that is stable.  As we were saying good-bye to 2018, I was temporary working at Macy’s. It not my first time working there during the holidays, but I wonder why do I get hired temporary for a position using the same resume with the same job history, but can’t get hired for something full or part-time. Am not trying to be negative here, but now we are in a new year it something I trying to understand.  I will just mention that retail, dealing with clothes, standing and walking for a long period of time is something I don’t like doing.

For 2019 I really don’t have any goals in mind or looking forward to accomplish anything. I’ll keep my usually routine of just going to the gym, doing my walks around downtown, journaling, keep working on my art / drawing, and my film-photography.  Will be doing a post on journaling soon and in my other blog, my photography will be posting there to. Yes, finally able to send some rolls of film to get developed.

Volunteering

Volunteering, it great that people do this to help a cause or something they have a passion for. What I don’t agree about volunteering is having to do it just to get work related experience.  With that said, sometime at the end of October I decided to volunteer at the center library.  I decide to volunteer, because my job hunt to find a job isn’t leading to any job offers. Why the library? Well it that was my second option and my first option was a museum.  When museum received my background check the volunteer position I had discussed with the volunteer coordinator was already filled.  They had another position but i wasn’t interest in.  So I decide to volunteer at the library. Honestly I don’t know what I will get out of it cause getting a job there is very competitive.  I convince myself, what do I have to loose except two hours of my time. So for that past month I volunteer one day out of the week for two hours at the library.

So far the duties I’v done are pulling books off the shelves that the computer system has listed missing and are going to be “retired”. These retired books are removed from the system and sent to the library store where the public may buy them for a few cents or a dollar.  I think they also give them out to schools or organization in need of books, but not to sure about that. The other task I’ve done is checking each service desk has the supply they need like pens, pencil and small scrap paper.

Concerts

Concerts, loud music, big crowds, people going crazy over their favorite band and/or the good looking singer on the stage.  Maybe it the drummer for you.  I don’t really go to concerts.  Not sure why, but it isn’t because of the crowds or the noise. In all my life I’ve only been to one concert which was to an Iron Maiden concert.  Yes am a fan of hard rock.  Grew up with it since my older bother and his friends listened to it. Actually I enjoy listening to many different types of music, even classical.

This past weekend I went to a concert or a music festival.  The Final Four games were in town and my little sister heard that a certain band was playing.  Maroon 5, never heard of them, but I know I’ve heard their music before.  Well she wanted to go and had no one else to go with, so I tag along.  Not because of the band, but just so she wasn’t alone walking at night. We got there and there was already a line of people waiting to get into the venue.  O this was a free concert so there were already people inside the venue.  After a good 10 to 15 minutes waiting we start to hear they closed the gate.  The venue was filled to capacity.  Bummer! People still waited but after being told by the police they weren’t going to let people in, they decided to leave.  Many didn’t go home and neither did we.  People walk to the side of the fence which is a street that was closed off for the event and waited for the band to play.  Young and older girl dissappointed to not be part of the crowd and have a view of the stage.  Me on the other didn’t mind we stayed.  I could have told my sister let go cause am not a big fan of the band, but didn’t want what she spent on parking to go to waste.

So the time came, the band got on stage and people cheering from inside the venue.  Even though we, along with several hundred of people standing outside the fence cheered. Well I didn’t cheer. People excited once the band started playing. Cell phone in the air, record what they could get on video.  Girls taking selfie, singing along, moving the body as they were high on drugs.  The funny part was the older guys just there cause their wives /girlfriends / daughters are fans.  Two guys behind me, just talking about life, growing up.  Nothing about the music, probably wishing they were home drinking a beer. I was just being an observer / body guard, letting my sister enjoy the moment. Watching the girls to the left of me, dancing and then noticing the girls in front of me taking a selfie and was it the photo.  Damn! I hate when that happens. O well, but I wish I had brought my camera just to practice some night photography.

After a hour and half the show came to a conclusion.   A fireworks show and people walking to their cars or apartments.

Happy New Year 2018

2018, Happy New Year Bloggers and those visiting my blog. It that time to start fresh, set new goals,  re-new old ones and leave the bad times behind and focus on the future ahead. You can say 2017 was a crazy time if you’ve been paying attention to the news.

For me, try to always improve on the goals I set the previous year and add something to  it to make it a little challenging. I do have bigger goals, but with my current situation, I don’t list them. It would be just easier to focus my energy on those that are within reach.

1.Reading, read 12 books last year so I will make it my goal to read 20. Any suggestions on “must” read books?

2. Health is always important to me and should be for everyone. Last year my goal was just not to gain weight. Well I lost some weight,still don’t see it physically, but been told by one lady at the gym that I’ve lost weight. I will try to stay at my new current weight which is 271 lbs.

3. For 2018 one goal I would like to work on is being more social. Not easy when you are jobless and don’t have a car, but I will try to make an effort.

 

Good-Bye 2017 : Review

Books I read in 2017. If I had to pick one book you should read, it would be Beartown.   Great way to start a conversation about a certain topic we have seen on the news.  Especially if you have kids/teenagers and not sure how to talk to them about this certain topic.  This might be a way to break the ice.

1. The Alliance by Jolina Petersheim

2. Devil’s Cold Dish by Eleanor Kuhns

3. What so proudly we hailed by Marc Leepson

4. Death on the Sappire by R.J.Koreto

5. Death among Rubies by R.J. Koreto

6. The German Girl by Lucas Correa

7. Alice & the Assassin by R.J. Koreto

8. Swimming Lesson by Claire Fuller

9. The Stairs are Fire by Anita Shreve

10. Beartown by Fredrik Backman

11.The Dirty Book Club by Lisa Harrison

Health, I started 2017 weighing 281 lbs and now am down to about 270 lbs.  Am always unsure whether to trust the weight scale.  It kind of like the media, should you trust them on what they are reporting.  My digital scales at home says I weight 276 lbs, but then the gym weight scales say some different.  It one of those old school weight scale. For now I go with what the old school weight scale says. My goal for 2017 was just to maintain my weight and not gain weight.  I figure why make it a goal to lose weight and then not lose weight and be disappointment.  It would just be better keep working out and just watch what I eat and hopefully I’ll will loose it.

My finding employment situation, well we can just skip that.  Why focus on the negative side?

Still keeping up my hobbies.  Drawing, watercoloring, journaling, film photography.  Only thing I wish I had a table in my room where I could do all my artistic stuff.  My room is to small so I have on so I have to sit down on the floor and do all my art stuff.

Retrospective: Reflecting back on 2016

Retrospective

When I first created this blog, one of my biggest goal was to improve in my creative writing.  To challenge my self to express my thoughts into words. Something that I don’t do to well. The toughest obstacles for me in 2016 is writer blocks, what should I write? What would be interesting enough to get my followers to read and to come back to my blog, plus attract other readers. Continue reading “Retrospective: Reflecting back on 2016”

Do you still get the kid treatment?

How many of you are still treated like you are 14 years old by your parents even though you are an adult?  You are in your late twenties or early thirties and they still call you when you are out and about to see if you are okay or to ask you when you are going home.  Continue reading “Do you still get the kid treatment?”

not in school, but still using a backpack

t14f_008_frontIn college when school wasn’t in session, friends of mine would see me walking around town and ask, why I carried my backpack.  Was I study or something? My simple answer was there are things to big to fit in my pockets, like a bottle of water. O did I mention I didn’t have a car, so I relied on the bus to get around town.  It was handy when I needed to carry a lot of things. When I started college ipods were not around and cell phone still didn’t have the capability to hold and play music.  So it was up to you to carry your music which was a cd player along with a small cd holder for all your cds.  That the other item that I carried inside my backpack.  It was always useful when you have a long bus ride and when you want to avoid talking to those weird people.

Today after years of finishing school, I still use a backpack when am walking around town.  Carrying my film cameras, loose change for the bus, a bottle of water, my tablet, journal notebook etc. One thing that has never change is the brand of backpack I’ve used.  A Jansport which I’ve used since 5th or 6th grade.  They are reliable and durable backpacks, plus they have/had a life time warranty.  Not sure if they still do that, but still remember sending several backpacks to Jansport only to get a new one since they couldn’t repair it or getting my old one return as if it was brand new.